In a January 2007 interview, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer laughed at the announcement of the apple iPhone.  He  asserted that a lack of a keyboard (?) and an expensive price tag ($500) would keep apple at bay as competitors in the mobile phone market.

Um, yeah…

While it’s unlikely that Steve Jobs will take pot shots at Microsoft’s Zune, he has every right to after Zune’s New Years Eve debacle.

What Happened?

This New Years Eve, the Microsoft Zune 3G owners experienced widespread failure and reported a frozen screen at startup.   Apparrently, the firmware automatically rebooted and froze during the boot process.  The internal clock driver didn’t know how to handle the leap year which is a bug reminiscent of the Y2K or Millenium bug that had everyone so hot and bothered.

What the Heck is a Zune?

Zune, nicknamed the Brick,  is basically Microsoft’s alternative to the iPod which was first released in Q4 of 2006. (Yes, it’s been around that long) It is an MP3 player which differentiates itself as “sociable” because of the ability to share music with your friends while in close proximity via infrared beam.  It also has a built in radio (FM only) and allows for monthly music subscriptions.

In a hilarious ipod vs Zune video commentary, a fictional Steve Jobs summarizes Zune for a fictional Steve Ballmer:

So it’s as big as a boombox, zaps files to nobody, drains energy like an enema and sucks money out of users for the rest of their lives…

 I think he forgot,

…is prone to Microsoft issues like freezing up and losing data.

Premonition of Things to Come

About a year ago, this spoof  on Ballmer’s freak out at the Microsoft convention was posted.  Perhaps the post had a Pygmailion effect on the Zune?

The Fix

The official Z2K9 fix is pretty lame. It instructs owners to drain the battery, wait for the new year, then recharge and turn on.  The site’s faqs also says that you will “most likely” have no problems with your DRM (digital rights management) content, but to follow some additional instructions if you do.  Most likely???

A History of Defects

Remember the Windows 98 blue screen of death demo? What about the XBOX 360 hardware technical problems  which forced Microsoft to provide a 3 year warranty? 

Dean Takahashi over at VentureBeat writes in his article, Xbox 360 defects: an inside history of Microsoft’s video game console woes that

Microsoft knew it had flawed machines, but it did not delay its launch because it believed the quality problems would subside over time. With each new machine, the company figured it would ride the “learning curve,” or continuously improve its production. Even though Microsoft’s leaders knew their quality wasn’t top notch, they did not ensure that resources were in place to handle returns and quickly debug bad consoles. There were plenty of warning signs, but the company chose to ignore them. The different parts of the business weren’t aligned.

Low Consumer Confidence

Consumers are growing tired of the “learning curve” philosophy.  Microsoft’s own ad campaign, the Mojave Experiment, provides real footage of people who won’t try vista because they heard it was plagued with problems.  Check it out:

So, here’s my Dr. Phil-ism (completely obvious advice) for Ballmer:

• Your shares lost about 45% in 2008. 
• Consumers are losing confidence in your products.
• You are rumored to lay off 17% of your workforce in 2009. 

Overhaul the Microsoft culture.  Start with quality and finish with satisfaction.

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When I read about iFart mobile on techcrunch a couple of weeks ago, I didn’t think twice about it.

On Christmas Day, when my son was purchasing apps for his new apple iTouch and announced that iFart was the top selling app, I rolled my eyes.

But when my blog reader keeps puking up post after post about the revenue generated from an application that makes fart noises (on Christmas Day alone it netted about $30K ), I can’t help but feel I’m doing something terribly wrong.

For over a decade now, I’ve built software (mostly web) applications to relieve pain.  I’ve trained myself to take a step back and ask, “What is the problem we are trying to solve?” or “What is the pain and how great is it?”

Watch this video and tell me if you can identify the pain that iFart relieves.

 The notion of building an application like iFart - an application that serves no purpose outside a 2 second childish prank - is difficult for me to adopt.  However, I can’t help but feel there are lessons to be learned.  Here are 5 lessons I’m going to take away from the success of iFart Mobile: 

1. Appeal to the lowest common denominator
   Sometimes you need to forget market segmentation and just appeal to the massess.

 

2. Dumb it down
   Assume the masses aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed.  Don’t give them features they aren’t capable of using.  Keep it simple.

 

3. Don’t give away the farm
   Even useless applications can generate revenue. 

 

4. Price it right
   Even in a tough economy, anyone can justify a $.99 guilty pleasure.

 

5. Make sure it’s easy to buy
   This is more a learning from the app store vs ifart.  One touch is all it takes to purchase and download the iFart app.

 

While I don’t think I’m going to download the iPhone SDK to develop iBurp (it’s inevitable, if not already available), I will reconsider my approach to software.  Sometimes, no pain is needed.  Sometimes, it’s about a “lack of sophistication”.  Sometimes, you just have to let it out.

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